Government Proposes Plan to Flood Grand Canyon, Create ‘Grand Lake’

Government Proposes Plan to Flood Grand Canyon, Create ‘Grand Lake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that has left conservationists, geologists, and anyone with basic common sense scratching their heads, the federal government has unveiled plans to dam the Colorado River and flood the Grand Canyon, transforming it into the country’s newest and most breathtaking lake.

The proposal, dubbed the “Grand Hydro Initiative,” aims to address ongoing water shortages in the Southwest while simultaneously creating an unprecedented recreational hotspot. Government officials claim the initiative will provide much-needed hydroelectric power and open up new opportunities for tourism, including jet skiing, luxury houseboating, and cliff diving from what used to be world-famous rock formations.

“The Colorado River has been tirelessly carving away at the Grand Canyon. Frankly, it’s time we put a stop to that,” said Department of the Interior spokesperson Randall Beck. “With this project, we can finally put the canyon to good use instead of just having people stand around taking pictures of it.”

The dam, expected to be taller than the Hoover Dam and wider than the imagination of its critics, will create a massive reservoir tentatively named “Grand Lake.” Other potential names include “Lake Arizona,” “Freedom Lake,” and “Lake of America,” pending a nationwide poll that will almost certainly be hijacked by internet trolls.

Despite concerns from environmentalists and geologists who insist that turning one of the world’s greatest natural wonders into a glorified swimming pool is “an abomination” and “a crime against nature,” proponents argue that the project is forward-thinking. “Imagine standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon, but instead of looking down into a massive hole, you’re looking out over a pristine, boat-filled lake. It’s progress,” Beck added.

Tourism officials have already begun drafting plans for luxury lakefront resorts, a floating casino, and an underwater glass-bottomed tram that will allow visitors to get an up-close view of submerged canyon walls. Meanwhile, adventure companies are preparing to offer guided scuba dives through what used to be Phantom Ranch.

The project is currently awaiting approval from Congress, but officials remain optimistic. “If we’ve learned anything from history, it’s that Americans love dams and lakes,” Beck said. “And honestly, who wouldn’t want to take a sunset cruise through America’s most famous canyon?”

If approved, construction is expected to begin in 2027, with the flooding process set to take approximately five years. That should give visitors just enough time to say their goodbyes to the Grand Canyon before it becomes the world’s most scenic water park.